"I'll see to the unpacking, sir."
Luke Snyder turned from the retreating view of the New York skyline and favored his manservant with a wan smile.
"Thank you, Thomas. Would you like some help?"
Thomas' craggy face folded into a worried frown. "No, but perhaps you should rest. Leave-takings are often difficult."
Luke smiled at Thomas' discreet allusion to his mother's emotional farewell. Even with her new husband by her side, happiness shining from her lustrous eyes, Lily had been loath to see her child embark on such a lengthy trip, especially so soon after the illness that had felled him for nearly six months. Even from his vantage point on the deck, his mother and Holden but tiny figures amidst the bustle of the wharf, Luke could feel her concern like a heavy cloak upon his shoulders.
"I am fine," he told Thomas with a firm tone. "And so is the day. I'll remain here and stay out of your way, for I shall certainly be more of a hindrance than help."
"Very well, sir. Mind you come down straightaway should you tire."
Luke watched Thomas walk away and suppressed a sigh. Manservant? Nanny, more like. Thomas was recently elevated to his position as Luke's personal servant and though Luke valued his service and his friendship, he was well aware that Lily had suggested Thomas accompany him on the Grand Tour for his strength and common sense instead of any learning he could impart.
It would've been different if Luke hadn't fallen ill after Christmas and had been able to travel with his friends from college. A rousing group of comrades would have been just what Luke needed to help him forget the broken heart he'd been so careful to conceal. Even though he'd known that all the marvels of the civilized world could never replace the aching emptiness inside him, any distraction would have been welcome.
But fate had been determined to deny Luke even that solace, as a spooked horse and a groom caught unawares had caused an accident that had left Luke confined to a wheeled chair for the better part of the spring. He'd surprised Holden and Lily by standing up at their wedding and afterward had mounted a campaign to be allowed a belated Grand Tour. Holden, perhaps seeing something of himself in the young man, had been his first ally and between the two of them, they'd finally convinced Lily to allow a somewhat shortened yet thorough Tour.
Through it all, the deadening of his limbs and the terror of possible paralysis, he'd never stopped thinking of Noah, his dark, compassionate eyes and sweet smile haunting his nights. Even as his days were filled with regaining his health and maintaining his studies, any word or stray thought would lead Luke back to a bowl of Christmas punch and the wrenching reminder that his world had fallen apart.
Looking down, he saw that his hands were clenched around the rail, his knuckles white. New York City was a smudge on the horizon and the day was growing cool, yet he remained on his isolated corner of the teakwood deck. It never stopped hurting, he knew. He'd tried everything, but had found nothing to deaden the pain. He even tried laughing at himself—a schoolyard romance was all it had been, with no promises made and certainly no future to cherish. As he'd told Noah that evening, it was time for them to grow up and forget childish attachments that had no place in their world.
He'd been lying then and judging from the flare of hurt in Noah's eyes, they'd both been fully aware of that lie.
And still Noah had left after the holiday, their parting as awkward as their greeting had been warm. Luke had forbade any news of his accident being spread among the wider circle of their friends, and when Noah had sent only innocuous letters with concerned inquiries after his temporary absence from school, Luke had taken some small comfort that his secret had remained safe.
Now Luke was determined to savor this new adventure and forget Noah Mayer once and for all. He'd been given an amazing opportunity that was not to be wasted and he owed it to his family to make the most of this gift.
Squaring his shoulders, he turned away from the rail and scanned the deck, hoping to receive inspiration as to what to explore first. Due to the growing chill the deck was sparsely populated and he moved easily among his fellow travelers, exchanging the occasional pleasantry. Before long he found himself in a deserted gentleman's salon, occupied only by a bartender whose offer of a libation Luke politely declined. He knew he should retire to his suite and prepare to change for dinner, but an odd restlessness had captured him. Instead of sitting to read one of the many newspapers and periodicals provided, he stood straight-spined in front of one window, his hands clasped behind his back.
He felt more than heard the entrance of another into the salon and he felt a stab of irritation at having his solitude interrupted. Before he could turn and make a polite retreat, a touch on his shoulder startled him. He turned and looked up into Noah's smiling eyes.
"I've finally run you to ground, Luciano," he murmured.
"Noah?" Luke was disbelieving the evidence of his own eyes. Noah, here? Sailing to Europe? "What—what are you doing here?"
"Traveling to Europe is the obvious answer."
Luke found himself returning Noah's smile before a ripple of pain stole the breath from his chest. He swallowed and dropped his gaze.
"On your honeymoon, I suppose."
A gentle finger lifted his chin and he was again gazing at Noah, finding only light and affection looking back.
"There was no wedding, Luke. Didn't you receive my last letter?"
Shamefaced, Luke nodded. "I did, but I confess I did not read it. I knew the date of your wedding was approaching and I had no wish to share in the details. Foolish, I know."
"No," Noah whispered. "Never foolish. Only the confirmation of my dearest hope."
Luke willed his body not to respond to the meaning of Noah's words. They were lover's words and to Luke they could only be a bittersweet reminder of what could never be. That there had been no wedding was no guarantee that one wasn't planned for the future.
"What happened?" Luke was dismayed to see the bright eyes dim. "I'm sorry, have I stumbled upon an unhappy memory?"
"Not really, no." Noah shook his head. "I'd already decided to end the charade and face my father's wrath when the young lady in question abandoned her good name and her family to run off with a man of questionable repute."
"So you are a jilted lover then."
"I am not." Noah glanced over Luke's shoulder and then lowered his voice to a pitch only Luke could hear. "At least, not yet."
A shiver ran across Luke's skin at the fervency in Noah's tone. He had yet to fathom the reason that Noah was standing beside him on a luxury liner bound for Europe, but his heart was beginning to pound with the possibilities.
The room was filling with men coming to take a brandy and smoke a cigar before dinner. Noah and Luke shared a glance and moved as one to the door, then paused uncertainly in the hallway.
"You have a million questions, I know," Noah said quickly. "Come to my suite and I'll answer them. Unless you are hungry?"
"No," Luke replied with forthright honesty, "food would not sit well with me right now."
Noah grinned. "Then let us see if we can restore your appetite."
Noah's suite was much like Luke's, a spacious two room affair consisting of a sitting area and a bed and bath beyond a padded, brocade door. Declining Noah's offer of a drink, Luke stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, his body singing with Noah's proximity even as his heart raced with inchoate fear.
"You've lost weight," Noah said abruptly.
Luke crossed his arms over his chest. "A bit, perhaps. Nothing worth mentioning."
"Hmm. Tell me news of your family. I have always enjoyed their company."
Luke relaxed enough to smile. "We've weathered the scandal, if that's what you're asking. No one can defy the women in my life for long. It is more difficult for Holden, of course. Now he's not accepted anywhere, above stairs or below."
Noah came to stand in front of Luke, almost uncomfortably close. "But you accept him."
"I do, as do my siblings. Holden is a good man and is far better for my mother than that scoundrel."
"Good," Noah said, but his tone was distracted. He was so near that Luke could see the flecks of gold in Noah's eyes, the same shimmery fineness that always disappeared when Noah wanted to kiss him.
"Noah," Luke whispered, "how is it that you are here? Tell me, for I swear I cannot bear any answer other than the one my heart demands of you."
With gentle hands, Noah clasped Luke's upper arms and bent forward until their foreheads touched. The sweet and long-missed scent of Noah's breath on Luke's lips was like honey, feeding the most deeply held need within him.
"I know all," Noah admitted, his voice breaking. "Your mother wrote me not long ago, telling me of your mishap. Oh, God, Luke," and Luke was swept into Noah's arms, held so tightly he could barely breathe.
"I am so sorry," Noah was whispering in his ear, "so very sorry. Had I known earlier of your accident, I could not have been pried from your side."
Luke fitted his palm to the side of Noah's face and closed his eyes. "Sssh, beloved, don't tear at yourself. You had your own concerns and I would not for the life of me have added to them."
Pulling back slightly, Noah searched Luke's face.
"Beloved?" he breathed. "Can it be that you can still call me that and mean it?"
Luke blinked moisture from his eyes as he shook his head. "Dear idiot, of course I call you my beloved. For you have been nothing less to me all these months."
"Months of agony for me. I could not govern my heart, Luke. I tried and forgive me, but some part of me wanted to be the man that Madeleine—my betrothed—expected. Yet I spent all my days thinking of you and my nights longing to hold you in my arms."
"But you are here now, and I still don't understand why."
Noah's arms tightened around him. "Another letter from your mother told me of your intent to make the Grand Tour, her purpose to find if I'd had my Tour and if I had any concerns. From there it was not difficult to learn of your exact plans and perforce make my own."
Luke began to shake as the meaning of Noah's presence on board began to sink in.
"But your studies...your father," he protested weakly. Noah gathered his hand and pressed his mouth to the smooth skin of his knuckles.
"My Tour will suffice for this semester, just as yours will. As for my father," his face darkened, "I care not what he thinks. He blamed me for Madeleine's betrayal and we have not spoken a civil word since."
"Noah, I am so sorry." Luke felt Noah's distress and wished he could alleviate it. "Surely this rift can be healed with time."
Noah's mouth softened and Luke watched fascinated as the dark gaze fell to his lips.
"I care not," Noah whispered, "for I have all that I want or need right here."
He inclined his head and Luke met him halfway, their mouths instantly searching for and finding the sweet fit that had bound them both from their first kiss. For Luke it was nothing less than a miracle to once more feel the full measure of Noah's desire for him, and the love that they'd attempted to deny was conveyed in every sigh and caress.
So it was that Luke and Noah began their Grand Tour, loving and beloved and the whole of the Continent to explore. Their adventures would take them to exotic locales and the very cradle of civilization, yet they never yearned for home, for home was anywhere they were together.
This was written in approximately 2 1/2 hours the day the episode aired. There was a teensy, tiny scene in the campy Victorian Christmas ep that was actually kinda sad. I wanted to fix it.
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