"No."
"Eddie—"
Eddie got out of the car and headed toward the stairs. "No."
Monty followed him from the car and leaned against the doorway while Eddie searched his pockets for the keys. "Come on—you never know when knowing how to use scuba gear could come in handy. Dude, we live on an island."
The keys jingled as Eddie finally got the door to the flat unlocked. "In the north Atlantic, not the Gulf of Mexico." He reached up to loosen his tie and unbutton his collar as he headed for the kitchen. He tossed his jacket over the chair as he reached the fridge and pulled out two beers.
"Well," Monty said from the couch, nodding his thanks for the bottle Eddie handed him, "we might have to chase criminals through an aquarium someday."
Eddie flopped down onto the couch next to Monty and put his feet up on the coffee table. "If we ever run up against bad guys so stupid that they think they can get away from us by jumping into a pool that's not only full of endangered animals, but also doesn't connect to any other bodies of water, I'll be standing on one side of the pool and you'll be on the other, ready to greet the idiots with towels and handcuffs."
"Kinky," Monty said with a lecherous smile.
"No, kinky is you wanting to learn how to scuba dive just so you can practice buddy breathing in public," Eddie replied with a grin.
"Have you seen the female half of the team they hired to teach the classes?" Monty sketched the outline of a buxom woman in the air with both hands. "I can only imagine how she fills out her bikini."
Eddie took another drink and shook his head in mock disgust. "You are such a letch."
"At least I'm equal opportunity. Have you see her partner? Bet he looks smashing in a Speedo."
"No one looks good in a Speedo, not even scuba diving instructors who spend an ungodly amount of time in the water every day." Monty sputtered as Eddie continued. "Besides, you usually wear a wetsuit for scuba diving, so you probably wouldn't get to see them in all their bikini- and Speedo-clad glory anyway."
Monty glared at him and then took another drink, now with a contemplative look on his face. Eddie smiled a tad smugly and took a sip.
"Mulder looked good in a Speedo."
Eddie inhaled beer down his windpipe and started to cough. Monty's free hand pounded on his back a couple of times before switching to rubbing up and down as the coughing started to subside.
"I don't know why I'm surprised by anything you say any more," Eddie said with one last cough as he sprawled back on the couch. "You deliberately try to shock me, so I really should just expect it, shouldn't I?"
"You're a slow learner. Probably even got low marks in sex ed," Monty said with an evil grin as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to the side of Eddie's neck.
"And then there's you, who thinks everything relates to sex. You'd think I was trying to make out with you if I attempted rescue breathing when your tank ran out of air, wouldn't you?"
Monty smiled. "Take the class with me and you'll find out."
"I already know how to scuba dive. Besides, I've got a better idea," Eddie replied with a smirk as he shifted to pull Monty on top of him. "How about private lessons? 'How to get to the surface if your scuba tank runs out of air,' by Eddie Arlette. Number one..."
Gracias to Tiriel and Veronica, as always. *vbg*
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