"Cutter!" Connor's smile was relieved as he yelled, waving frantically at the man exiting the compound.
Abby saw a brief hesitation in Cutter's step before he altered course and headed in their direction. A sense of dread shivered down her spine as he neared their little group standing by one of the ARC SUVs. When Cutter stopped in front of them, she could see tracks where tears had run down his face, revealing lighter spots where the dirt and blood had been washed away. His shoulders were slumped and he wouldn't meet her gaze.
"What's wrong? Cutter, what happened?" Her heart beat faster as she moved closer and grabbed his arm.
The expression in his eyes as he looked at them was devastated, as if the world had ended. "Stephen—"
"No," Connor said softly from Abby's side, "no, he wasn't here, he's fine. Right?" His voice broke on the last word, as he fought back tears she feared were already falling. Abby clasped Connor's hand to offer what little reassurance she could, squeezing hard as her own vision blurred, and watched as Cutter struggled to contain his emotions.
"But he wasn't—" she began.
"He was here. He—" Cutter's voice hitched and he closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. "He got the doors closed so that the—the creatures couldn't get out."
Abby distantly heard someone gasp and say something, but the world had narrowed to just the three of them. She tugged Connor forward as she moved to slide an arm around Cutter, who wrapped his dirty arms around them both. They stood in a huddle, ignoring everyone else; Cutter's chin rested on the crown of her head and his hand cupped the back of Connor's head whilst Connor hid his face against Cutter's shoulder.
How long they stood there grieving, Abby had no idea, but a gentle touch to her shoulder startled her out of her daze. She'd forgotten anyone else was still around.
Jenny's tone, usually so sharp and cynical, was as gentle as Abby thought Jenny knew how to be. "We need to get back to the ARC so we can debrief and this place can be contained."
Abby pulled back to glance at Jenny, but kept a loose hold on Connor and Cutter. Connor dragged a sleeve across his eyes before looking up, not even attempting to return her wavering smile. She glanced up at Cutter and quickly looked away, the pain and grief etched on his face too much, too private for her to handle.
Reluctantly releasing the two men, Abby opened the SUV's back door and climbed inside, sliding across to sit behind the driver. Connor clambered in beside her as Cutter took the front passenger seat. She looked over to see Connor watching Cutter with a despondent expression. Cutter, in turn, was staring out the passenger window at Leek's dilapidated compound.
She reached across the seat to grasp Connor's hand again, relieved beyond words when his fingers curled slightly around hers in response, before she turned her head to watch out the window as they silently made their way back to the ARC.
The debrief was every bit as painful as Abby had feared.
Cutter's tone was abrupt, with sharp, bitter edges, as he visibly tried to keep from losing his temper and giving in to his grief. Lester was being surprisingly tactful, but Abby had a feeling that was just making things worse for Cutter by not giving him the normal outlet for his anger.
Connor sat beside her in a daze, so quiet that she felt the need to glance in his direction every few minutes, just to make sure he was still there. Behind him, Abby could see Jenny was coming down from the adrenaline high of their escape; she was jittery and shifted constantly as she stood by the wall in Lester's office.
As for herself—Abby didn't want to think about any of it. She wanted to go home, make sure Rex was all right, and then have a long shower to wash away the sweat and fear.
She just didn't want to think.
Chairs scraped on the floor, and she blinked, brought back down to earth as everyone prepared to leave. She looked up in time to watch Cutter stride out the door, the expression on his face a clear warning that he'd strangle the first person foolish enough to get in his way.
She glanced at Connor again, and saw him getting slowly to his feet, his gaze directed at the floor. She touched his shoulder gently as she stood, and didn't even attempt a smile when he raised his head. "I need to get Rex and then we can go. Meet me at the car?"
"Okay." He shrugged off her hand as he left Lester's office.
She followed disconsolately, hoping she wouldn't have to talk to anyone on the way to the live creatures lab.
"Connor, are you—"
"I'm fine." His voice was flat and devoid of anything that indicated he actually was fine as he stared straight ahead, but Abby decided it was the better part of valour to let it go for now. They rode in silence—all this quiet was really getting on her nerves—for the rest of the drive.
She pulled up in front of the flat and parked the car. Turning to Connor, she opened her mouth to say anything to break the silence when he spoke up.
"Abby, you know I adore you, yeah?" He remained seated as he held the passenger door open, with one foot on the ground and looking determinedly out the windscreen.
She frowned. "Of course."
"Then you'll understand when I tell you to piss off and leave me alone for a bit." Connor slammed the door and strode into the flat, Rex's cage clasped tightly in one hand.
She rested her head on the steering wheel, a great big sigh working its way out of her, before she gathered up keys and bag and headed in.
Abby climbed the stairs slowly, feeling as if each step required her to convince her body to move just that little bit further each time. She finally reached the top to find no Connor in sight and Rex gliding through the rafters.
Exhausted, she dropped onto the couch, letting her head fall back as she watched Rex flit gingerly from perch to perch, sniffing and investigating. "The Wicked Witch of the West is gone, Rex. She won't be back, I promise." He landed on one of the crossbeams by her room at the sound of her voice, and cocked his head as he appeared to listen to her reassurances above the sounds of the shower. He chirped back, a happy, easy sound, and all of a sudden, Abby found herself on the verge of tears. She buried her face in the throw pillow, trying to stifle her sobs.
A minute later, the shower stopped and she heard the bathroom door open. Abby sat up and tried to wipe away the traces of her tears. She suspected she wasn't successful, given the way her breath still hitched, each one a painful and stuttering hiccup as she fought to regain her poise.
"Abby?" Connor's voice was achingly soft as he came to rest on his knees on the floor in front of her, just outside of her personal space and carefully not touching. She could tell he desperately wanted to return the comfort she'd tried to provide earlier, but was equally clueless as to how to even begin. His eyes were red and he looked like it would take just one wrong word before he joined her in sobbing his heart out. At least he'd been able to get some of it over with in the shower in private, the git. She was stuck on the couch, her arms wrapped tightly around a pillow while he knelt at her feet looking like a kicked puppy.
"Yeah?" she asked, wiping at her face again.
"I'm sorry."
She sniffed and wished she had a tissue. "You're an idiot."
"Yeah, I know." Connor put a tentative hand on the sofa next to her knee. "Can I have a hug anyway?"
"Of course." She tossed the pillow to the side and opened her arms as he moved forward to sit between her knees. Wrapping his arms firmly around her waist, he rested his cheek on her breastbone.
Strangely enough, the hug calmed her down, rather than setting her off again, for which she could only be grateful. It wasn't the same for Connor, but he regained control fairly quickly, quieting as she ran her hand slowly through his damp hair, over and over. He sighed, long and low, and she could feel his body relax.
"You better not have got snot all over me."
Connor turned his face into her chest. "Uh, well..."
She smacked him gently on the back of the head as he choked on a quiet sob. They stayed that way for a few more minutes before she pushed him off with a watery smile. He scrubbed at his face before gazing up at her again, his own expression softening with affection.
"You look done in."
"Oh, thanks."
"No, I mean—"
"Yeah, I know." Abby glanced away. "I'm going to have a shower."
"I'll bring you a cuppa for after, shall I?"
She looked back at him and smiled gently as he tried so hard to pretend it was any other day but today. "Yeah, I'd like that."
Abby descended the stairs from her bedroom slowly, a wad of tissues stuffed in the pocket of her robe, just in case.
She could hear Connor muttering to himself as he made tea, untied robe floating behind him as he moved to the fridge to get the milk. Plates with sandwiches and an opened bag of crisps lay on the counter.
He glanced up as she shuffled in, a ghost of his usual irrepressible smile on his face. His eyes and nose were still red, but the utter devastation was tamped down a bit. He grimaced as he rubbed at his nose, a distracted frown on his face as he tried to decide why it hurt so much.
Abby stopped next to him at the counter. "Sorry about—" she gestured to his face and smiled tentatively.
"Oh." Connor rubbed his nose again. "Remind me to never get in the way again when you're really narked, yeah?"
"Probably for the best."
Connor grinned, then asked, "Hungry?"
"Famished."
They each took a plate and settled at the table. The food disappeared quickly and with a minimum of chatter, a victim of the day's adrenaline spikes and emotional drain.
Abby remained seated as Connor gathered up their dishes, her hands curled around her cup and one leg intertwined with the rungs of the chair. A sense of contentment settled over her, easing the tension that had been knotting her shoulders since the beginning of Leek's stint as a would-be Evil Overlord.
Listening as Connor cleaned up, Abby decided she'd be damned if she let another day like today go by without telling Connor how she felt. Stephen was gone. Cutter would always have regrets about him, and there was nothing that could change that. If anything, today had firmly brought home how likely they were to die doing this job.
Much as she cared for Stephen, she couldn't even begin to imagine how she'd feel if it'd been Connor who'd died.
And really, what else mattered in light of that?
"Hey, Conn."
"Yeah?" he called back. The rattle of dishes as he washed up was so normal and commonplace compared to the rest of their day, she had to stop and take a deep breath. He popped his head through the kitchen doorway and whatever expression he saw on her face must've worried him, because he stood stock still. "What's wrong?"
She tried to smile, but it didn't seem to reassure him at all. "Nothing."
"Doesn't look like nothing." Now he looked mildly suspicious.
Abby laughed softly, untangled herself from the chair, and moved to stand in front of him. With a small smile, she went up on tiptoe and kissed him gently.
"Oh. I didn't see that coming." Connor blinked in surprise. "This is one of those really-smart-but-stupid moments, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. But that's okay," she replied. "Used to it by now, aren't I?"
"Yep."
"Love you, Connor Temple."
"Love you, too, Abby Maitland. But you knew that already, right?"
"Yeah, I did."
"Good."
"Yeah, it is."
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.
Don't ask me how it happened that the first Primeval story I've finished and posted managed to not be Nick/Stephen (I think my system's gone into shock *vbg*), but there you go. Good thing Abby and Connor are so darned cute together! *vbg*
Muchas gracias to Claire and Temaris for lightning-fast Brit-picking, and to Alyse for her patience as I played multiple-choice British-isms bingo while trying not to give away more of the story than I could. ;) Veronica is, as always, adored for her awesome whip-cracking editing-fu. *vbg*